The dictionary defines grief as: “Keen mental suffering or distress over affliction of loss; sharp sorrow, painful regret.” As surgeons, as scientists, we’re taught to learn from and rely on books, on definitions, on definitives but in life, strict definitions rarely apply. In life, grief can look like a lot of things that bare little resemblance to sharp sorrow. ~ Meredith Grey
I’m sitting here tonight finally watching the SNL episode from a couple of weeks ago that honors Prince. It’s been sitting on my DVR since it aired. I didn’t think I could watch it right away, but I didn’t know how long it might take me to get to that place.
It’s so strange for me to see movies, even just home movies, voice recordings, pictures…they’re gone but we can still see them or hear their voices. I suppose I might sound a little child-like as I try to figure out how they’re here, but they’re not here.
I have yet to be able to watch Robin Williams. It’s like somebody pulling my guts out and handing them to me. He was amazing. He was magic. He was one of my favorite people.
And this year….Goooood Lord. Bowie’s magic (the Starman; the man who fell to Earth). With his loss, we are truly without.
And Alan Rickman. That voice….my heart broke just a little when I saw the Through The Looking Glass preview spots.
I know a lot of us are still trying to find our way through loss. Even if we weren’t superfans or knew him, we were children of the 80’s and Prince was an icon. He will be missed.
Grief may be a thing we all have in common but it looks different on everyone. It isn’t just death we have to grieve. It’s life, it’s loss, it’s change. And when we wonder why it has to suck so much sometimes, it has to hurt so bad. The thing we gotta try to remember is that it can turn on a dime. That’s how you stay alive when it hurts so much you can’t breathe. That’s how you survive. By remembering that one day somehow, impossibly, it won’t feel this way. It wont hurt this much. Grief comes in it’s own time for everyone in it’s own way. So the best we can do, the best anyone can do, is try for honesty. The really crappy thing, the very worst part of grief is that you can’t control it. The best we can do is try to let ourselves feel it when it comes and let it go when we can. The very worst part is that the minute you think you’re past it, it starts all over again and always, every time, it takes your breath away. There are five stages of grief. They look different on all of us but there is always five. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. ~ Grey’s