2016 is starting out…weird. The last few months have been trying so we figured we had no where to go by New Year’s but up.
Ha. Yeah….about that. The logical response doesn’t necessarily mean it will actually go that way.
Loss after loss. I’m sitting in my living room in front of the fireplace today thinking about all the losses just in the last few weeks. It’s like the universe hit the okay-you’re-past-the-holidays-all-hell-breaks-loose-now button and all hell has broken loose. Out of all of the celebrities, movies stars, musicians, etc that we’ve lost, the hardest one for me has been Alan Rickman. That’s the one that’s the hardest to believe he’s actually gone.
But then last week, the 20th actually, I got a phone call telling me my sister in law has passed away. It knocked the wind out of me. She’s the same age I am. Less than 2 months younger actually. And just like when my Dad died, I dream that she’s not really gone. It’s some sort of a mistake or misunderstanding. She’s not really gone.
Except, she is.
But what has taken me out at the knees is that my son decided on the same day, or there abouts, to basically kick me out of his life. He had been gradually moving away, working through all the stuff you work through in your early 20’s, and I thought maybe he was taking some time and space, and I was hoping that we would start making some progress. Hopefully having some conversations and me learning what I needed to explain, apologize, make up for, make right.
But he’s booted me off all of his social media, won’t return phone calls, won’t talk to me, or answer texts or emails. He’s pushed me out of his life and I don’t know what to do right now.
The combination of losing my sister in law and having my son push me away at the same time has brought me to my knees. I can’t think or breathe. I’m exhausted and nauseous all the time. I don’t know what to do or say or think.
Loss after loss. I wish I didn’t feel everything so completely sometimes. And I don’t know what to do.