I Miss You

It’s been a rough few days, and my Dad is on my mind a lot right now because I have a thing that might or might not be a thing, but I can’t say anything because it may be a nothing, or if it’s a something I don’t know what to do with it because I can’t say the word. I’m an only child, and my Dad died 3 years ago from lung cancer, and I’ve already had to tell my mom I have a brain tumor. So I stare in the mirror and wonder what the fuck?! and try to move onto the next thing.

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But sometimes I miss my Dad so much I can barely breathe. And looking at pictures of him just makes it harder to try to catch my breath because he was just here and he made all the difference, and taught me so much, and I’ll probably never go back to Hawaii now. it’s too hard.

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Do you ever miss somebody, or some where, or maybe just a moment in time so much that you would give anything to be able to close your eyes and be there again? Even if it meant just standing on the sidelines and watching a moment happen. Would you do it?

I miss people, and places, and moments in time so much sometimes that I would give just about anything to be able to close my eyes and just visit that moment again.

3 responses

  1. I do know that feeling, exactly. I would give anything to go back to the last time I saw my grampa, 17 years ago. We lived in NC, and were home for our first visit with Kay. It was the one and only time he met her. As they were leaving, he hugged me and whispered ‘you are going to be a great mom.’ And I didn’t know that would be the last time, you know? What I wouldn’t give to go back and hug him harder, or just take an extra moment. So yeah, I feel you. And I’m here ❤

    Also, I hope your thing is nothing, because I don't like things, even if I don't know what they are.

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    1. It’s so weird because we never know the last time is the last time, right? I cling to the last memories like you do, but OH sometimes I miss them so much it brings me to my knees! Thank you love, I can’t tell you how much that means….not really. But close your eyes and know I’m sending a hug! I miss you too, ya know!!

      And yeah, I don’t want a thing. I’m tired of being poked and prodded.

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  2. […] thing that might or might not have been a thing I wrote about last month. It turns out it’s a thing. Kind of. I’m still waiting for biopsy […]

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