I am always telling my kids that energy cannot be created or destroyed, therefore the energy that creates a life never really disappears, it just changes.
Some very good family friends of ours just lost their poochie yesterday and hearing the news drew me up short, like it always seems to do. It doesn’t matter if it’s a friend, family member, furry family, or a friend’s family member, hearing of a loss, a death, always takes my breath away. Grief is its own thing, and every person grieves in their own way.
Lexie: Grief may be a thing we all have in common, but it looks different on everyone.
Mark: It isn’t just death we have to grieve. It’s life. It’s loss. It’s change.
Alex: And when we wonder why it has to suck so much sometimes, has to hurt so bad. The thing we gotta try to remember is that it can turn on a dime.
Izzie: That’s how you stay alive. When it hurts so much you can’t breathe, that’s how you survive.
Derek: By remembering that one day, somehow, impossibly, you won’t feel this way. It won’t hurt this much.
Bailey: Grief comes in its own time for everyone, in its own way.
Owen: So the best we can do, the best anyone can do, is try for honesty.
Meredith: The really crappy thing, the very worst part of grief is that you can’t control it.
Arizona: The best we can do is try to let ourselves feel it when it comes.
Callie: And let it go when we can.
Meredith: The very worst part is that the minute you think you’re past it, it starts all over again.
Cristina: And always, every time, it takes your breath away.
Meredith: There are five stages of grief. They look different on all of us, but there are always five.
~ Grey’s Anatomy, S6;E2 “Goodbye”
The crazy thing is the day before yesterday, we were installing new curtains in our living room and I was moving things around on my mantel. My dog’s ashes are in a wooden box on my fireplace mantel because we lost her 14 months ago, and I haven’t been able to bring myself to bury her ashes with a tree like we planned to do.
Dera, my Border Collie, passed away May 31, 2014 and we had her cremated. We had just signed a contract to have a house built so we all said we’ll bury her ashes with a tree in our new yard in the Spring. But Spring came and went, as did Summer, and I looked at my family and said “I can’t do it. Not yet.”
So, back to the story, I was moving things around as we installed curtain rods and curtains, and I stopped and looked at Dera’s box and thought about how much I still miss her. And then the next day, our friends lost their dog. Dera played with him. I’ve known him since he was a puppy.
I know there are no words when you have experienced a loss. There’s nothing you can say. When you’re grieving, the kindest thing someone can say is simply “I’m sorry”. I wanted to throw something at the next person that said “It’s God’s plan” when I lost my baby girl.
I know birth and death is all part of life and a life truly lived means you experience losses, but in the middle of it all sometimes it’s hard to try to figure out the reasons or the plan. It’s all just so absurd….