I’m sitting here thinking….hoping ….if maybe I get the words out and send out a distress cry to my fellow Spoonies I can make it through a crisis of faith in surviving this stupid body. I’m so fucking frustrated right now I could throw something.
It’s been a hard week. And I mean a really fucking HARD week. It’s been the kind of week that makes you feel trapped in a body that you would kick it’s ass…or something….if it wouldn’t cost you even more. The kind of week that makes you look at all SIX of your doctors (none of whom are bothering to sign off for one another or communicate so that I can get a procedure scheduled!), all eight (or so) prescription you fill each month, all the stupid pills and tests, and ….bullshit!!! and cry out to the world:
“WHO FUCKING LIVES LIKE THIS?!?!?!!!!”
I’ve spent three days praying for death/trying to battle back from a flare. One of my scripts is MIA (read: pharmacy says it’s back ordered from the manufacturer, manufacturer’s site doesn’t say a damn thing….screw both of them I don’t have my effin script!). I’m ready to rip my spine out because I’ve been waiting a MONTH for 3 of my specialists to bother to send a form to someone, ANYone at this point so I can schedule a procedure to stick big needles in my neck in the hopes it might lead to less pain in the future because inoperable brain tumor + stupid shittastic spine = pain all the fucking time.
I’m over it. And that sucks because if I get upset, I get twitchy. Like seizure watch twitchy and that just pisses me off more.
Screw this body. I want a refund!!!!!