Rebel Soul

I’m a writer. We all have words we use to define ourselves, so if you ask me I would say I’m a writer, an only child, a mom, and a wife. I write almost every day. Sometimes on my blog, sometimes in my journal, sometimes in the journal I write out song lyrics and poems in and create word art out of said words, lyrics, and poems. Sometimes in all three. I have journals all over the house. I write to work on my book. I write to share experiences with other chronically ill people or share my experiences of living with a brain tumor. I write to figure out the noise in my head. The point is I write. A lot.

The past few months (six? ish?) I keep writing the word villain in my journals.

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I do that when I’m trying to work through something. I’ll write it over and over in a lot of different ways. I define it. I write journal entries about it. I make word art out of it.

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I refer to song lyrics or movie lines. Just call me Maleficent, because I make a fabulous villain. (But things are not always what they seem.)

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I keep chewing on the word. I’ve defined it, wrote out song lyrics, movie lines, and even referred to my favorite movie villain. I keep trying to figure it out. I do make a truly awesome villain in some people’s stories. My ex-husband, ex-friends, ex-lovers, ex-mother-in-laws, current mother-in-law, and even some current acquaintances that keep me around because I make a fun topic and a good bad guy. I’m raw, and real, and difficultly honest.

There’s a saying along the lines of “If you’ve pissed people off or made enemies, that’s a good thing because it means you’ve stood up for something”. I guess I’ve stood up for plenty of things because I’ve pissed off plenty of people. Like I said, I’m raw and real, and that seems to be a hard thing to take.

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As you can see, there are a lot of entries, doodles, and contemplations of the word villain and how it may or may not refer to me. This is me working through a word, a thought, an idea, the noise in my head.

I’ve been writing this blog in my head for the last three days, but yesterday the final piece clicked into place.

I was driving over to the store, listening to the radio, and a song came on. Five Finger Death Punch covered Bad Company’s “Bad Company”. (And they did a really good job, I think!)

BC

Rebel soul.

Those words stood out.

Click.

The last piece for my blog clicked into place. And (more importantly), the last piece for me to figure this out.

You can call me a villain, because the truth is I am a rebel soul. I finally got it.

I live a lot of my life on my own terms.

“…I deal with my problems at my own pace
With your screwed-down, anti-human views
Deal with the pressures by playing the blues
If you wanna live life on your own terms
You gotta be willing to crash and burn…”
~ Motley Crue, Primal Scream

Villain. Rebel soul. Either way, I found my way through the word. Use which ever one you like.

3 responses

  1. That video always makes me cry. Very fitting for for today.

    Like

  2. I thought so too. They also have a very poigniont video for Wrong Side of Heaven.

    Like

  3. […] write anything. Sometimes it’s because I’m trying to figure out the last piece (See Rebel Soul), sometimes it’s just because life is getting in the way, and sometimes it’s just […]

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