Dear Shonda

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These words have given me a lot of comfort. They are written in no less than 5 of my journals. Every word is true. Grief has 5 distinct stages, and everyone grieves in their own way. Still, somehow, knowing all of this, I sat on my couch last night and watched Grey’s Anatomy in tears. By the end of the show I was a sobbing, hysterical, heartbroken mess. Even my husband, who patiently puts up with my love for Grey’s, sat next to me on the couch watching it all happen and muttering “no…..no…..NO!”.

Shonda, I have watched through all (almost) 11 seasons now and accepted the losses of the characters that just had to leave, had to move on to the next thing for them. Burke, Finn, Addison, Erica, Sadie, Izzie, Lucy, Robert Stark, Teddy, Leah, Shane, and most heartbreakingly….. Cristina.

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I watched, heartbroken, as George died. Tearfully as Adele died, and Richard had to move forward. And as Cristina was finally told and as Henry’s death was revealed, I was as devastated as Cristina.

We have lost so many……

Denny Duquette
George O’Malley
George’s Dad, Harold O’Malley
Meredith’s Mom, Ellis Grey
Meredith’s step-mom, Susan Grey
Mark Sloan
Lexie Grey
Reed Adamson
Heather Brooks
Charles Percy
Adele Webber
Henry Burton

Through the seasons we were afraid we’d lose Meredith in Puget Sound, or Callie in the car wreck, or Derek in the shooting or the plane crash, or Izzie as cancer and chemo tried to kill her, or Richard as he had to fight for his life in season 10.

I cried, I mourned the losses, I hated it, but I got it. George was a hero, and died like one. Henry was always going to succumb to his disease, but he got to love and be loved by Teddy before he did. Mark and Lexie shouldn’t have died in that stupid plane crash, but they did. Reed and Charles died by the hand of a stupid, grieving man as so many other survived being shot, or just survived the insanity in (mostly) one piece.

Loss after loss. Change after change. I got it. I hated it, but I got it. The fans waited through season 10, thinking it could be the final season. But we got the word that 2 more seasons were on tap, so I (and others I’m sure) accepted that season 12, next season, would and could very well be it.

But now, you have killed Derek Christopher Shepherd.

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The internet is awash with the tears and anger I feel too. All the questions I could possibly think of are being asked.

“WHY didn’t they fly him to a trauma center if they knew they were out of their depth??”
Call for a life flight and in 20 minutes, he could have touched down at Seattle Pres, or Grey Sloan…or God, ANY of the trauma centers. It’s Seattle for Christ’s sake! Keeping Derek in some small, incapable backwoods hospital was insane. And I hope that selfish, idiotic excuse for a “neurosurgeon” realizes that his latent ineptitude killed Derek. (There’s that anger…part 2 of grieving.)

“Why didn’t Meredith call Amelia before she pulled the plug?” Or Maggie, or Alex, or Richard, or Callie?? WHY was she alone??

“Why didn’t Derek get out of the middle of the damn road before he went digging for the phone? And cell reception was shite there anyway.” Seriously. He survived being shot, and a plane crash. Why would you kill him off in such in senseless way? Why would you kill him off anyway? Like I’ve seen on the fan sites….”Ship him off to DC for the year, but don’t kill him!”

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I’m heartbroken. Grey’s has always been about Meredith and Derek. It started on the day she met him, and the first day of her internship, and has twisted it’s way through the last decade or so of Meredith Grey’s life.

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So, now that Derek is gone, is this it? Is next week’s 2 hour “event” (f**k you Shonda!!!!) the end of the series? Is this the end of Grey’s?

Thoughts? Comments? Talk to me!

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