Today started out in what I’m fairly certain was an alternate reality. I live in a small town on a tiny peninsula and most people don’t even know we’re here.
As in: I’m picturing terrorists in a cave on the other side of the planet examining a map and being told “what about [insert town, state]?” “There’s nothing there! What the hell is there?? Why would we bother with that?! (And yes, I realize in the current climate that’s not traditionally funny, but I’ve always been pretty irreverent in my humor.)
Anyway, back to the alternate reality. I woke up to news that first thing this morning there was a “threat” (rumors have been unclear on what kind of threat, so I’ll just leave out the specifics) at the local high school. Which, by the way, is less than a mile from my house. This is a small town. This shit doesn’t happen here. Well….not often anyway.
But then, two hours later, a SECOND threat was made at the other high school across town. That one was a bomb threat called into the school office. This is crazy. We have a total of 3 high schools in our county. This is a small town. When hubs first got orders here I didn’t even know that was a base here. What the hell is going on?!
I know several people that have kids at these schools. And gawd help me, my first thought was I cannot believe how grateful I am that I no longer have kids in these schools. Because I just can’t imagine having to sit across the street, unable to get to my child, and wait for updates. That has to be the worst, most helpless feeling ever.
All clears have been called at both schools, so now that calm has resumed I can contemplate the insanity of the fact that most people’s first thought was “somebody must have had a test in second period.” Seriously? This is one of those big issues with no easy answers, but I’d like to think….I hope for my kid’s sake, and their kids….. that we as a nation somehow figure out how to stop threatening each other, hurting one another, and shooting at each other.
Oh, and this….
*steps off soapbox, takes a bow, and disappears behind the curtain.*
So….about that brain tumor……
I had an appointment with my pain specialists yesterday. Most of the time I see the Physicians Assistant. I’ve seen her for years. She knows me, my family, my case. I had to find humor in the fact that she walked in and the first thing she said was “I expected your head to be shaved”.
Nope, I say, they decided it was inoperable. I mean, nothing is really unable to be reached surgically, but in this case it’s a guarantee there would be more damage done by going in with surgery than with other treatments and/or just keeping an eye on this thing. It’s too close to my brain stem for them to be mucking around in there, so I’ve just completed some serious radiation therapy. I’m still recovering from the exhaustion and nausea that radiation therapy brings, but I don’t think I’ve lost much, if any, hair from it. I mean I was prepared to shave my head for surgery if I had to. I’ve been growing out my hair for 4 years, so I was going to shave it off and donate it if needed. But for now I get to keep it.
She asked how I was doing with all of this. I told her that last week I reached pissed off, but I was a Psych major in college, so I kinda know what to expect. Yes, I understand studying something and feeling something are not the same, but I’m good. I’m a helleva fighter. I’ve gotten angry. I’ve cried. I’m working through this. Even if I don’t know if this is going to be the thing that finally takes me out.
So, that’s where I am now. Working my way through the stages of grieving and acknowledging the insanity of throwing a brain tumor into the pile of everything I’ve had to deal with.
For my readers that understand the reality of having an oncologist and/or neurosurgeon, any thoughts or advice you’d like to share?