I just watched the season finale of Private Practice and it was heartbreaking. Amelia delivered a baby that she knew just couldn’t survive. And I had tears rolling down my cheeks for the entire last half of the show. It’s been almost 11 years, but I will always know what that feels like.
“I had a baby Sheldon. For a few minutes I was somebody’s mom” ~ Amelia
“You’re still somebody’s mom, he’s just not here anymore” ~ Sheldon
I knew in that moment that everything I’ve written in my book is going to get thrown out. The (maybe) two chapters that I’ve pounded out so far are all wrong. I thought I could write about it in a fictional form. I created characters and I was writing it as a novel and that’s all wrong. It has to be my story. I need to write about my experience, my life…it has to be real. It has to be my story.
I have always hoped that I could do some good with my experience of losing my baby girl and now I really, really know that I need to write my story. I have come to learn, in the last decade, that there are a lot of us that have either lost a baby during the pregnancy or suffered the heartbreak of a stillborn. There is a whole nation of women that know what that feel like. I need to tell my story.
Not for the women that will never know what losing your baby feels like, but for the women that go through that soul-wrenching heartbreak. They need to know they’re not alone. I needed to know I wasn’t alone. I needed to know I wasn’t the only women to ever feel like that.
And then when Mason says to Charlotte…
Oh MY Gawd! I teared up all over again. Charlotte never wanted kids, but she has come to love that little boy so much.
It doesn’t matter how you get there….giving birth, adoption, coming into a “step-child” that’s not really just a step-child anymore. You’re a mom. And even if that child goes to wherever we go when we’re done in this mortal coil, you’re still somebody’s mom.