The pain I’ve been holding onto…
I’m a very musical person. I can’t play a single instrument (I did play the flute in 5th grade…just not well….oh, and I played guitar in high school) and I don’t write songs, but there is something in music that moves my soul and gives me life and breath. My heart is a dancer’s heart, but my body…well, she says not so much.
So, every once in a while I hear a song lyric that just takes my breathe away. Like literally, I just feel like I’ve had the wind knocked out of me, and I realize something for what it truly might be. I’ve been walking around for days with country music in my head from the Jason Aldean concert I went to last Sunday, so when a friend of mine posted something from what I knew to be an alternative band, I followed the link and listened to it thinking I would at least have something new in my head today.
This is the part that I remind you, my darling readers, that Fibro or myofascial pain syndrome or, well anything chronic medical condition really, is hugely tied to where your mental and emotional status is as well as taking care of oneself physically. My heart has been struggling with the fact that my oldest child is now 18, and graduated, and trying to find her way out in the big, bad world, and I would do anything to just gather her back up into my little nest and keep her and protect her….but I can’t. I have to let go. I wasn’t given a choice on this one.
So, in this new song, I heard the lyric “the pain I’ve been holding onto” and it just really struck me. How often to we hold onto something that hurts without realizing it? How often does pain just become a part of who we are? I’m not just talking about the population that lives like I do, with physical pain, but even all of the healthy people. Do you walk around with something that hurt you and keeps hurting you, and not realize that you’ve been hurting so long, you’ve forgotten how not to hurt?
I really love the lyrics of this song:
What do you think, readers? Even if this kind of music isn’t your favorite, listen to the lyrics and think about your first scars. Did they fade? Are you holding onto pain?
I am forever on a quest to understand the human mind, that’s why I was a psych major. But all that did was tell me that exceptionally well educated people that spend their lives listening to people describe their early childhood don’t have any more of a clue about our minds that the rest of us.
We all walk around damaged in some way, but what pain are you holding on to?