I do a lot of reading on the message boards and forums for several sites that are meant to support those of us that suffer from chronic, pain-centered conditions like Fibro, MS, Endometriosis, or Lupus and I find that we (for the most part) have a pretty good spirit. We find humor in the daily crap we have to put up with, and we even find ways to make the pain we live with funny. Believe it or not, it’s true. It has to be, otherwise some of us would really go nuts.
That being said, I *have* to share with you my dear readers, something I found today. Another blogger decided that those ridiculous pain scales in the doctors offices just didn’t cut it. I have to say I agree. I mean really? Zero? On the pain scale? Then why am I here? And their ten is just “I’m really, really uncomfortable”. So the genius that blogs at Hyperbole and a Half (http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/02/boyfriend-doesnt-have-ebola-probably.html ) invented her own pain scale. Without further ado, I give you….An Accurate Pain Scale. Enjoy.
0: Hi. I am not experiencing any pain at all. I don’t know why I’m even here.
1: I am completely unsure whether I am experiencing pain or itching or maybe I just have a bad taste in my mouth.
2: I probably just need a Band Aid.
3: This is distressing. I don’t want this to be happening to me at all.
4: My pain is not fucking around.
5: Why is this happening to me??
6: Ow. Okay, my pain is super legit now.
7: I see Jesus coming for me and I’m scared.
8: I am experiencing a disturbing amount of pain. I might actually be dying. Please help.
9: I am almost definitely dying.
10: I am actively being mauled by a bear.
11: Blood is going to explode out of my face at any moment.
Too Serious For Numbers: You probably have ebola. It appears that you may also be suffering from Stigmata and/or pinkeye.
(I can take no credit for this, it’s all Hyperbole and A Half http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com )